I wanted to write something about the anniversary of my friend dying, but I genuinely didn’t know what to say. It’s been 6 years since I discovered my friend and roommate dead in the apartment we shared and through the pandemic, I have found myself missing her in the strangest way. She is gone and she isn’t experiencing this madness with us and I keep wondering what she would have made of the year that was 2020. …

Two Jerk Faces

It has been 5 years since I found my best friend and roommate dead in our apartment. It is strange typing this sentence out, but maybe not for the reasons that would seem readily apparent to an outsider. Obviously no one wants to find a loved one dead in the home they share, but on this day it is not the craziest part of the story. I have come to the kind of peace with this loss that allows me to live my day-to-day life, there will always be a part of me back in that apartment on a snowy…

Her ghostly presence on social media helps me mourn

Photo: Patricia Boyce/EyeEm/Getty Images

Do you have LinkedIn? I do. I don’t know why I have it. Does anyone use it? Has anyone been like, “Thank God I have LinkedIn! It 100% impacted my life in a positive way!” I seriously doubt that has ever been uttered, but I have it and it sends me notifications and I let it keep sending them to me. I can stop it whenever I want, but I never do. I would rather complain about the notifications than bother to turn them off, which would take five minutes. I think this is the social media equivalent of having…

Heaven! Pretty cool!

Dear very famous and now dead mega star,

Welcome to heaven! It’s real! Pretty cool, right? Rest assured as one of Earth’s top musical acts you’ll enjoy the Premier Heavenly Experience. We base this on how many lives you touched, how much art you put forward that enriched the world, and how many cartoon drawings your fans made of you after you died. The specifics of this will all be sorted out during orientation, but just know the class system is in full effect here and you’ll reap the benefits as you have grown accustomed to when you were alive…

With NIKE stocks (socks?! LOL) plummeting and righteous anger perfectly placed there is no time to waste in getting the crazy, wild, and somehow true story of the events of Sept. 3rd, 2018 up onto the big screen. With a few backers already on board, plus James Woods signed on to play the patriot, sock-cutting cameraman we are just 99% away from our fundraising goal! I have hopes of getting Peter Berg on board, I saw him once at an Arby’s and I go there every day for lunch anyway so I am bound to see him again. I am…

Hi Dumb-dumbs,

Yeah it’s me, Louis CK. Wow an email, who even uses email anymore? My kids get mad when I send them emails, isn’t that weird? To be mad about an email? It’s so harmless, but I guess that is silly too, why do I care about email? I dunno it used to feel fresh to send an email and now I am just a creepy old man jacking my dick off in front of my gmail account just to feel the rush of human contact at a safe distance. Anyway I am back. I do comedy again. If…

Chris Calogero

Chris Calogero is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn. He’s been featured on the front page of Funny or Die.

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